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Cooking with Kimball Midwest: A Christmas Story

Posted by Kimball Midwest on December 20, 2019

Tags: Holiday, Santa's Workshop, Cooking with Kimball Midwest

Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment purposes only. We do not recommend cooking with tools.

It was two days before Christmas, and the elves in Santa’s workshop were frantically working to finish the toys for Christmas Eve. They were so busy they slept in shifts, and none of them stopped working long enough for a proper meal.

The lack of food finally caught up with them. In the wee hours of the morning, their hunger was more than they could stand. The problem was, everyone in the house was asleep, so no one could cook them a meal.

The head elf, Sparky, turned to Jolly, Holly and Jingle. “Grab all the bags, baskets and boxes you can find and go raid the kitchen for whatever food you can reach. But be quiet about it. You don’t want to wake anyone, especially Santa. He needs his sleep! Bring the food back here on the double!”

Loaded with baskets, bags, boxes and an aluminum bendy thing, Jolly, Holly and Jingle crept silently into the kitchen. Dragging a chair into the kitchen to reach the upper cabinets would make too much noise, so they had to settle for what they could get from the bottom cabinets and drawers.

They made it back to the workshop laden with food: a large hunk of beef, carrots, celery, onions, potatoes, two cans of broth, bread and cheese. They managed to grab a few spices, too. But they only had a few utensils they could safely retrieve from the drawers with the aluminum bendy thing: a vegetable peeler, a ladle and spoons. And they brought bowls, too, of course. The elves, clever as they are, figured they could contrive some way to turn all this food into a proper feast.

Jingle grabbed her BFK 9000 and started cutting the beef. “Dear Jingle,” said Jolly, “that’s a great blade, but there is something better for cutting meat. Use the right tool for the job.” Jolly pulled out the Compact Reciprocating Air Saw and made quick work of the stew meat, cutting it into small chunks, which he dumped into the cast iron pot over the fireplace.

Jingle, meanwhile, washed her blade and used it on something more suitable. She scrubbed the celery and carrots, then used her knife to dice them up along with the onions before adding them to the pot.

Holly was in charge of the potatoes. “I have an idea,” she told Jolly, “but I need your help.” She chucked a clean Speedbor 2000 Wood Boring Bit into the power drill and skewered a potato with it. “Hold the vegetable peeler against the potato,” she instructed Jolly. She turned on the drill, and they made quick work of the peeling as the potato spun around.

Once the potatoes were diced and added to the pot, it was time to add the broth. “I don’t suppose you brought a can opener with you?” Sparky asked. Seeing they didn’t, he took a clean Super Primalloy drill bit out of the drawer and chucked it into his drill. With a couple quick holes drilled through the top of each can, the broth was added to the pot. Sparky stoked the fire and brought the stew to a simmer.


The elves got back to work on the toys, savoring the aroma as the stew bubbled over the fire. Knowing a good meal was forthcoming, they all got a sudden burst of energy.

When the stew was nearly done, Holly and Jolly set the table while Jingle sliced the bread and cheese. “Do you know what’s better than bread and cheese?” Jolly asked. “Cheese toast.”

Jingle laughed and pulled a heat gun out of the drawer. A few minutes later, she placed a pile of warm, melty cheese toast on the table.

A short time later, all the elves were seated at the table, ready to enjoy some delicious stew. “Thanks to my hardworking crew,” Sparky said, raising his glass. “And thanks to Kimball Midwest for making the tools to build our toys quickly and efficiently. Oh, and for being useful for preparing this meal, too.”

The rest of the elves raised their glasses for a toast, and the feasting began.

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