The Scenario: You awaken in a strange, dingy room with yellowing walls and a musty smell that’s one part mildew and one part a stench you don’t want to imagine. You have no idea where you are, and the four cinderblock walls have but one steel door and just one window, covered with steel bars, giving no clue as to where you might be. A calendar on the wall shows October with an X over every day except for the 31st; it dawns on you today must be “Halloween.”
The keyed lock on the dead bolt is the only way in or out, there is no handle and the hinges are on the outside, meaning the door opens into whatever is on the other side. There is one pipe that spans the room, about 9 ½ feet overhead with what appears to be a sprinkler head attached, but you wonder if that’s water that will come out. Behind you in the upper corner is a speaker with a video camera above it, and in the corner on the other side of the room lies a burlap sack. You sit up on the steel frame cot and realize the 2-inch mattress has done little to comfort you for however long you’ve been there as your back wails from the stiffness that’s set in.
The Speaker: As the fog lifts in your brain and you realize your nightmare, you hear a crackle overhead and look up.
The “Psycho” says: “You have 30 minutes. If you can ‘Get Out,’ you are free. The window or the door. Make the right choice.”
The Tools: You scramble off the cot and slide across the floor. In the sack you locate a drill, a small sledgehammer, a reciprocating saw and one battery you hope has enough life. Also in the sack are blades, a hole saw and a hammer.
You might think it’s a “Nightmare on Elm Street,” but you realize the “Hellraiser” who trapped you in this room has no idea what they were doing. The Demolition-Maxx saw blades, the K7 hole saw and the sledgehammer will have you out in five minutes. The 30 minutes they gave you was enough time to not only get out, but to hunt them down and … educate them about the superior Kimball Midwest line of tools.
The Great Escape: The window is 7 feet above the floor, meaning leverage is out of the question. You look at the cot and realize that will give you enough height to try the bars. The cot, however, is bolted to the wall. You laugh.
You stand up, slap the one battery into the “Saw” and strut to the cot.
These blades are even better than you thought. You put the blade flush to the head of the bolt and, in no time, sheer off both bolts. You grab the sledge and give the cot a whack to loosen it from the wall for good and slide it across the room to the window.
The 1-inch thick bars the run vertically in front of the window are quite literally no match as you blaze through each of them, bottom, then top as they clang to the floor, and you feel it getting easier to breathe. When the last bar is removed you hop down, grab the sledgehammer and break through the window. You are all but free when you realize …
This is a teachable moment … Whoever is behind this needs to realize using the right tool for the right job matters.
So instead of hoisting yourself through the window to freedom, you step down off the cot and walk back to the sack. You grab the K-7 Hole Saw that fits perfectly over the keyed lock and attach it to the drill. Time is no factor right now. It only took you a few minutes to get through the bars in the first place, and this clown needs to learn a lesson.
The 2-inch thick steel door is no match for the hole saw and you pop through the plating, the locking mechanism and the plating on the other side while applying even pressure throughout and making it literal “Child’s Play.”
You go back and grab the sledge again, give the door a series of whacks until it pops open and “Scream” “Here’s Johnny!”
You see a flash out of the corner of your eye as the person who vastly underestimated you escapes the “Cabin in the Woods.”